Last night I went to my third AA meeting and really enjoyed the topic of gratitude. While I'm feeling a lot of things lately, I'm afraid gratitude isn't really one of them. One lady talked about how she really had no clue what she was grateful for when she first started getting sober this last time. Her sponsor suggested she start with "I'm grateful for my toothbrush." It was a good reminder.
The last few days have been rough. I'm overloaded with emotions. I was at my regular gas station this morning, getting my regular ice tea on the way to work, and I got so overwhelmed I had tears running down my face as I'm adding the fake lemon juice to my drink. Just completely blindsided! I realize I've got to just feel all this shit and get through it, but damn. It sucks crying at the equivalent of the 7-Eleven.
It's no help that my family is having a real blow up at the moment.. It's breaking my heart and I would love to dull these feelings with glass of wine. I'm a fixer and this is something that I don't know if I can repair. These two have to come together. I feel like hiding away from the world for a while - is that normal?
Gotta get the show on the road - take care.
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